Make Time for Love in 2015
- by Malena A. Jackson
- Jan 8, 2015
- 4 min read
I know, I know! We’re barely past Christmas and I’m already onto love. Yes, love! As parents, we sometimes get wrapped up into the needs and demands of the children and oftentimes, our spouse or significant other gets left in the dust and is forced to feast on our leftovers. It shouldn’t be this way.
As a mom of four, I quickly learned that it’s really about me and my husband or my “hubs,” for short :) In the beginning, it was just the two of us, wow! It was just us two before these four little people entered into our world and turned it all upside down, in a good, yet hectic and sometimes stressful way.
In today’s blog, part I of my two part series, there’s so much to share and I don’t want to overwhelm you with information so I choose to break it down for you. Let’s explore ways that I’ve incorporated into my marriage relationship to ensure that my husband stays at the forefront of my life, no matter what we have going on with the kids.
Don’t Lose Your Focus
Perhaps you’re a new mom or you just welcomed a first or third child into the family. It’s so easy to become a little whelmed about it all and forget how you got here in the first place. Been there, done that. In the midst of this new way of life, don’t lose your focus. You partnered up with whoever you’re with because there is something there that turned you on. At least, I hope there was.
It’s important to keep your eye on that. Maybe it’s one or two things. Don’t lose focus of what inspired you to choose your spouse or significant other. Keeping your mind’s eye on this element will help you through those sleepless nights and screaming kids that can drive you batty, which can have you bickering and complaining about what your spouse is not. Don’t do that. There’s a lot of good here. Find it and don’t let it go.
Pay Attention to the Cues Everyday won’t be a bed of roses. You won’t always feel like looking the part or even having a conversation. There were some days that I would wake up and not want to talk. That is OK. I am nice about it. I think. Either way, remember as a parent, it’s all about you because you can’t give love if you don’t first love yourself. I tell all the moms that I know, to put themselves, first! This makes for a happier person.
However, you must pay attention to the cues that your mate sends off.
This is especially helpful if you’re not “on” every day and you don’t have to be. You’re not going to make love every day when you have little ones, your quiet time will be pretty nonexistent and chances are, you won’t even do your hair. That’s OK, too.
When you’re taking a break from it all, your sensors should be way up and tuned into your spouse. Look for the cues. If he or she makes comments about not getting attention or that you don’t take care of yourself anymore, do something about that.
Schedule a snuggle session or a time to get “busy” and be FULLY present during the act.
If the comments are about appearance, wash your hair, get your brows shaped, do something! This lets your spouse know that you do care about his or her feelings and want to take care of yourself and the family. I’m not talking about being a super mom or dad
. I’m simply referring to balancing it all and you can, if you really want to.
Moment by Moment That’s what life is. From this moment to the next. That’s all you really have. As parents, it’s so tempting to project into the future or to get stuck in what was. To be at peace, take life moment by moment. This will make you happy and you will feel upbeat because you’re not pressured to project or dwell. Your spouse will rise up to this idea as well. Don’t try to school them on what they “need” to be, you just be that for everyone. Really, this is done by you simply focusing on your moment by moment state of mind.
It’s a beautiful thing when you understand that if you want a peaceful home, a loving relationship and a supportive partner, then you gotta be that and not look for anything in return.
Well, that’s our time for today. I hope that you found a tidbit or two to help you on your journey. Be sure to check back on Monday, where I’ll share Part II of this blog series. I’ll cover how a little jealousy is a good thing and how making space can mean so much for you and your spouse.
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